我感觉，我的人生好失控。似乎，当我越要控制自己的时候，我越不能控制。

All along, I have taken a predictable path in my life, from primary, secondary to JC and Uni. Never once was there any deviations. However, this year, when I started to embark on a more “adventurous” journey, deviating from the normal path, I got stuck. Not once in my life have I felt so out of control for for the past 23 years I have a disciplined life. 12 months ago, I would not have imagined that I would be in such a state I am today – lost and going nowhere. 我感觉，现在的我，还在原地踏步。 Perhaps, my out-of-control stems from my frustration about my inability to achieve much for the current year. The decisions, which look sound when I made them, seemed to fall apart with time. Maybe some of my friends were right. I should go back to where I belong. should just take the conventional route of Accounting students. But would I want to do so? However, going back to Big 4 only serves as an escape route for me – to get me out of the current hole and allow me to procrastinate on my future once again. 我还要继续逃吗，还是要诚实面对自己做一个选择？可是，我有能力、有条件、有机会做那个选择吗？

I thought, I am a very tolerant person. I thought I could work with all sorts of people. After all, I have done that in the past; working with different people in school projects. At least, that was what I thought. But in a year where I kept proving myself wrong, I was wrong this time too. Maybe it’s because finally, there are people who can actually wear off my patience. Criticizing my team for failing to take ownership and responsibility in our work is a total joke in my eyes, especially when these strong words came from the very people who fail to do the very same thing. Aren’t supervisors suppose to make decisions and take up responsibilities? Yes, we can take ownership, only if we can determine the direction of things. How are we supposed to take ownership and defend our stance if we are unable to influence on the outcomes of things? And those very people have been ding-donging the work. They kept changing one thing each day, despite going through several rounds of meetings, lasting a few weeks, on the same thing. It just seems that the work is never going to be completed, despite it being so simple. Can’t someone put a stop to the changes? As someone has said, no one wants to rubber stamp on the final product. So much for asking us to take ownership.

Well, there’s always a positive side to almost everything in life. I guess, this year is a self-discovery year for me; to learn and know more about myself – the bad and, to a much lesser extent, the good.