失望: 丧失信心;希望没能实现。

Disappointed. Disappointed with myself, disappointed with how some things are going, disappointed that I don’t meet my own expectations. There are times that I wish that I am not doing things the way I am doing now, but I guess I just couldn’t help it. And I am definitely not trying to find excuses for my behaviour.

As with all things, people usually try to package their words when they try to maintain or establish a “relationship”; trying to tell people off in the least hurtful way, trying to reject people using the most common (but may not be true) reasons, trying to make ordinary things seem just a bit special. This is perhaps a part of the marketing culture and the “face” culture in our society these days. Whatever it is, I guess by now, I should have learned that all seems good is just not so. I would like to believe that whatever looks good turns out to be good, but time and time again, I find them wanting. I guess I am too naïve sometimes, believing things too easily.

My ex-colleagues at RMI think that I am a decisive and forward-looking person, given the amount of time I have taken to throw in the towel. But I often look at myself as a rash person, jumping into conclusions too fast. What if things turn out the way as they are “marketed”? Will I regret? I will like to believe that the outcome will be much better than what I have assumed, but sometimes, I guess it’s better to believe your own eyes. 我不想再受伤害，纵使我愿意相信那些话，我可以吗？